Happy Retrograde!
Reflections are a big part of retrograde for me, as I mostly slow down and let whatever past thought or past neglect come to the surface to pass. Sometimes my body lets me know I’ve been ignoring something (if I’ve visited an Urgent Care? It’s likely during a retrograde). Sometimes an old hurt un-mourned or an old argument unsettled bubbles up. Most times it’s just one of three select exes says hi on some social media platform. I journal what I notice to keep track of any patterns and usually keep the contents to myself; however, as I dedicated May to being more proactive on health I was surprised it fell in sync.
One goal of mine was to lean more into seeing good outcomes for myself. I have the highest confidence in my friends and will never hesitate to “send good thoughts” (aka, do a small intent exercise envisioning the best outcome for their endeavors) yet I famously operate by “a no is what I had when I started” and rarely think of the best that could happen for myself. While this is pragmatic, it makes for a miserly life if applied too liberally. So I followed the lead of my many whimsical friends who romance the hell out of their lives and announced aloud, “show me how good it can get”!
While I’m certain it was of good intent, over the next few weeks I noticed a few…issues.
First, I was not alone. Almost overnight, it seemed that it had become the next social media mantra, the new trendy tagline uttered by general assholes whose favorite pastime is demanding care from a community they have “self-cared” out of their own responsibility to contribute to (see: “I don’t owe anyone a call back, but I know who my real friends are by who reached out while I was being a hermit”). Anyone who knows me knows the second it becomes a trend, I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m not a movement and my life is not resistance. It is annoying to watch and participate in.
It is also devoid of substance, which brings me to my second issue. Coming from a place of lack, a statement like that sort of becomes a dare to be proven wrong. It wasn’t working for me, and I had to be real with myself and admit I can’t see how good it can get if I refuse to see the good already around me. The world is a complete dumpster fire but my world isn’t (completely- I still can’t run for the bus, fk covid).
So what is this post? Perhaps a second acknowledgement I need to get the hell away from the socials for a bit- as what is the point of logging on to something that annoys you-but also an olive branch to the universe, who has decided to come full circle on me this retrograde and only bring up thoughts of decent, nice and outright sappy shit that has happened since the panny upended life as I knew it. It’s bad out here, but it isn’t all bad. And I guess a bit of gratitude couldn’t hurt.
My Table For One 