|“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brené Brown|
What is the last true, authentic feeling you had?
The last time you felt something fully and gave into it; when you allowed yourself to be washed over with emotion? Now…what was that feeling, exactly?
If you are anything like me, that last feeling was pain. A pain that likely came about during the attempt to avoid a situation, goal or desire for which pain was a possible outcome. A pain amplified by the knowledge that if you were going to feel it anyway, it could have been time better spent. A pain that tears down, but does not rebuild.
So tell me…what was the point?
I wasted a good many years being invincible. Never let them see me sweat, never a moment of weakness. Never let them see me want, need, desire. My muted anger became my muted happiness; my steel resolve my prison. Muffled reactions silenced my prayers; my calm grayed my world. The Universe and the people around me reacted to what I projected; calm, even, just enough. I watched in silence as others received what they asked for aloud. Suffocated under the weight of responsibilities piled atop another as I never seemed to need help. But even as I sank, I refused to let the cracks show. Until one day, I broke. And as I fell apart, the light came out.
I showed up. Raw, broken and needing-and the Universe met me right there. People in my life showed up. Bit by bit, my strength showed up. Not the veneer of invincibility I once had, but a resolve-a forward propellant. Did I all of a sudden start winning? Nope. Not even a little bit. But things meant for me started peeking out and making themselves more visible. Opportunities became clearer. Loved ones began to pay attention. People and situations that stayed long past their expiration date began to fade away. Bags began to fall. Help began to appear when I needed it. Light beamed through the cracks and I became brighter.
I have since learned vulnerability isn’t as much about showing the cracks as it is about filling them. If you never have a need, it cannot be filled. If you cannot express a desire the Universe will never tune in. If your ambition stays on your vision board and never shows up with you to work the same goals will be on that board next year. If you never tell them what you ache for they cannot give it to you.
So today, as this month comes to a close and your layers have been peeled away, pray out loud. Put it in the Universe. Tell them.
What are you afraid of?
Write the Letter.
Tell her she makes you smile.
Ask your boss if they have five minutes to chat.
Tell him You need more.
Make that phone call.
Live Out Loud.
It is only through the cracks that light can shine.
**This post is part of The Layers of Self-Discovery Tour created by GG Renee of All the Many Layers. Follow the tour through the blogs of 26 women exploring the complexities of womanhood and self-discovery from A to Z. Click here to keep up with each post and enter to win a giveaway package full of goodies for your mind, body and soul. #LayersAtoZTour