The Fear; #30Layers30Days Challenge Day 25

DAY 25 // AUTHENTICITY

What does the word mean to you?  What makes it so hard for you to be yourself, to be seen, to be open and express yourself your way?

 Some people long to be fully understood.

I fear it.

Afraid that beneath the platitudes and the sage advice lies a girl that doesn’t have it together. Under the peaceful veneer is a woman slowly scattering the ashes of her former hurt. Under the brilliance is a scatterbrain who locks herself out of the house once a quarter.

Ok, maybe once a month.

Too fearful, too detached, too clingy, too broken. Too loud, too animated, too dramatic, too deep. Always searching, always looking, always trying. Too nice, too accommodating, too rigid, too stringent. Too messy, too obsessive. Too forward, too reserved. Too much and not enough.

I’m a lot to take at any given time. And it’s not because I’m “hard to handle”. I love deep conversation. I love getting to the meat of you and asking questions. But even though I am one long run-on sentence of a talker, very few people “know” me. I hide. I reveal in parts. I give half the story. Afraid if you saw you’d think I was damaged. Because you don’t know how you would handle it all.

But in reality, we all have our things. Our soft spots. The one thing we cannot be joked with about. Our triggers. Things that shut us down. Maybe we are more alike than we are different. In that I am a work in progress, and God ain’t finished with me yet.

Conceived by GG Rene of AllTheManyLayers.com, the #30Layers30Days Challenge dares writers to dig deep with thoughtful daily inspirations meant to promote introspective thought and mindful journal practice. I will be posting my more inspired entries from the daily challenges. You can follow the #30Layers30Days hashtag on Twitter and Instagram, or follow GG Rene at @ggrenewrites.

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