A Word on Moving On; #30Layers30Days Challenge Day 18

DAY 18 // THE F WORD

What do you need to forgive yourself for?  Write yourself a note or letter to forgive yourself and release all the guilt you feel for every bridge you’ve burned, every bad decision you think you’ve made — any and everything.  This is a time to be unconditional with yourself.  Forgive. Love. Move forward with more compassion for yourself and others.

 “You know..you need to let that go.”

It was 3 am. An old friend came to visit and we were catching up and laughing about old times. I made a joke about an old, crazy ex situation and she noticed my hands were clenched. I’d never paid attention to it before. But I noticed now.

I have a confession; I NEVER forget.

Pert of the way INFJ’s work is we feel emotions intensely, and we can recall acutely how a memory made us feel in that moment. So it is very difficult to let hurt go when you are able to feel it over and over again in exact detail. It had been over a decade and I could still feel the embarrassment in the pit of my stomach, even though I had long forgiven him and consider him a great friend.

But had I let it go? Had I released the blame? Was I holding on to all the wrongs done to me over the years? Was I really trusting the Universe’s plan for my abundant life, or was I holding onto these incidents as proof I should not believe? Was I blocking my blessings by putting more faith in my setbacks?

Deep down, I know I was. I knew I used times I was taken advantage of as proof “love” wasn’t a real thing for my life. I knew I was using my setbacks as pushback against my karma. I know I had a greater faith in my failures than my blessings. Because they were tangible. Safe. Heartache I knew, and I invited it in daily.

So that evening, alone in the dark while my friends slept, I un-clenched my fists. I said I did not want to hold this heaviness anymore.I wanted to stop seeing setbacks as things people did to me and instead as things that happened…that are now over. I wanted to stop blaming the Universe. I wanted to believe in the blessings to come. To forgive myself. To unblock my path, and what I want out of life. To really forgive, forget and Let Go.

And the Universe responded.

Conceived by GG Rene of AllTheManyLayers.com, the #30Layers30Days Challenge dares writers to dig deep with thoughtful daily inspirations meant to promote introspective thought and mindful journal practice. I will be posting my more inspired entries from the daily challenges. You can follow the #30Layers30Days hashtag on Twitter and Instagram, or follow GG Rene at @ggrenewrites.

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