DAY 11 // PRAISE
There are two parts to this. First, what do people praise you for? What compliments do you get most often? Do you receive these compliments graciously or do you deny them and push them aside, feeling unworthy?
Second, what praise do you most love to receive? When we receive love and praise for things that are deeply meaningful to us, it affirms a calling we have inside that we may or may not fully understand. The goal of this exercise is to give yourself more credit and pay more attention to the light that you naturally offer to the world.
“You know I worry about you.”
My mother had sat me down to give me a quick talk before she headed to visit home in Puerto Rico. She was asking me to still be here when she got back. “I know your spirit is restless,” she said, “but please don’t go yet. I know you are searching for a home but baby, home for you will never be a place.”
If anyone asked me what compliment I received the most, it would likely be related to looks if the person did not know me. But in truth, the compliment I most receive after someone has spoken to me is, “you feel like home”.
I don’t take this compliment as well as I used to.
It invites more people into my space than I am able to handle at times. It makes people stay when they should have long been gone. It makes people who should have stayed gone come back. It makes me bend over backwards to keep that “home” feeling alive. It becomes the only reason they stay. It does not get reciprocated.
And therein lies the problem.
I spent a good portion of my adult life moving around, voluntarily. Shoot, at one point I bragged I could fit my entire life into two trunks. Sitting still is hard. I move on from jobs. I move on from apartments. I move on from people. Looking and searching for that “home”. That sit down, take off your bra, let out a long sigh and get comfortable feeling. I can’t help it. Ok I can, but I operate so well from that space of restlessness. Mostly because every time I’ve tried to make a home, something happens to snatch the earth from under me. So it’s best to keep moving.
I don’t know why I am able to make anyone feel at home yet I can’t find one. Someone suggested it was because my concept of “home” was too small. That what I do for people should be bigger. It has taken me years to be at peace with it, let alone see it as a blessing. But at the same time…I’ve held hands. I’ve comforted strangers. I’ve had conversations with the mute. I’ve intercepted suicides. I’ve given the one word someone needed to hear. Maybe my home is within the home I’ve made for others. Maybe I’ll be restless till I die. Maybe one day I’ll admit my life feels most meaningful when I hear someone say, “I needed that. Thank you”.
Conceived by GG Rene of AllTheManyLayers.com, the #30Layers30Days Challenge dares writers to dig deep with thoughtful daily inspirations meant to promote introspective thought and mindful journal practice. I will be posting my more inspired entries from the daily challenges. You can follow the #30Layers30Days hashtag on Twitter and Instagram, or follow GG Rene at @ggrenewrites.