That Birthday Post I Couldn’t Write; #30Layers30Days Challenge Day 9

DAY 9 // FOR SURE

What do you know for sure about life and love? Perhaps it’s a lesson that you had to learn over and over again before you got it or a guiding principle that now informs your decisions.

“I’m sure the Lord will give you the desires of your heart.”

I know he was being genuine; still, I wanted to punch him in the throat. My birthday month was not too far away and I was noting that I would likely have no plans. Part of letting go and moving forward forced me to leave some people behind, people whom if you had asked me last year I would have told you they were going to be in my life forever. My ever-cheerful friend lent me that quip in response.

After we parted ways, it did get me to thinking. Did I have any real desires? I’m sure we all think we do. But what if we are only chasing what the dream looks like instead of the actual dream itself? I know it sounds like crazy talk, but hear me out.

I know we say we want love, but love is a verb. A good portion of us don’t really want the “show up, work, be vulnerable, open and possibly hurt” section…we kinda just want someone to want us to prove we are worthy of love, not necessarily to be an active participant in it. We say we want that dream career..then chase it halfheartedly so we could say we “would’ve done it if we ‘really’ wanted to, we just didn’t” when it doesn’t pan out. We dip our toes in and expect the Universe to respond back with a tidal wave.

It was then the word intent made sense to me. Wanting isn’t enough. Desire is only the beginning. Declaring it is a step, not the whole journey. Where are your feet going? What are you doing? How do you react when your blessing is outside the door? Do you stare at it from the window or open the door and walk through? Did you really want it in the first place, or did you want the worthiness you would feel for attaining it?

If I still sound crazy, I’ll give you an example. I chronicled my “weight-loss” journey on BLF . For over a year I worked out to no avail, and it was not until I changed what I wanted to attain from working out that my body responded. Before my workouts punished my body for being overweight. My body responded by telling me it had enough punishment, thank you much. Once I decided I wanted to love and care for my body and stopped caring so much about validating my worth by numbers on a scale, my body responded in kind.

For me, this has been the biggest lesson of the year. Watch their feet. Purposeful intent and forward motion. It has changed how I interact with people and who I allow into my space. It has changed how I view my goals. It has changed how I attack them. It is a lesson I continue to learn. And am grateful for for life’s reminders when I forget.

Conceived by GG Rene of AllTheManyLayers.com, the #30Layers30Days Challenge dares writers to dig deep with thoughtful daily inspirations meant to promote introspective thought and mindful journal practice. I will be posting my more inspired entries from the daily challenges. You can follow the #30Layers30Days hashtag on Twitter and Instagram, or follow GG Rene at @ggrenewrites.

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5 thoughts on “That Birthday Post I Couldn’t Write; #30Layers30Days Challenge Day 9

  1. This is so true for relationships, careers, passions etc. it’s about “intent.” I’ve hair bored the same struggle with one of my passions, I want all the rewards without the work. I just want to wake up, my dream realized forgetting the journey to get there. Great post!

    1. As important as it was for my personal journey, it was exponentially more important when it came to who I brought along with me. I spent far too much time making up for shuffling feet, so too speak.

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