I am Not OK; #30Layers30Days Challenge Day 8

DAY 8 // SAVING FACE

What is a lie you have told to save face? If the same situation presented itself today, would you still tell the lie?”

Snapshot:

It was the morning of New Year’s Eve. I had a full day of work ahead. The television in the office was turned to the news, showing the countdowns by timezone. People counted down over and over again, faces filled with anticipation and hope for a better New Year. I watched from my desk as the cheers erupted at “zero!”

And I was crying.

I cried as people filed in pretending to work for a bit so they could excuse themselves early. I cried as the countdowns continued over lunch in the cafeteria. I cried as the office cleared out. I cried harder when I was the last in the office.

I cried for all I had lost the year before. I cried for the ventures that had failed. I cried for every time I said, “I’m good”. I cried for every time I added a “positive spin” to a situation I was going through when asked because I didn’t want people to think all I did was complain. I cried for the days I held it in when someone asked how I was doing. I cried for every day I smiled when all I wanted to do was scream. I cried for the anger I kept in a vise grip because pain was the only reminder I was alive. The levees of my own stubbornness had broken and the flood was unstoppable.

I was not OK. And I was finally ready to stop lying to myself and admit it.

And the Universe responded.

Conceived by GG Rene of AllTheManyLayers.com, the #30Layers30Days Challenge dares writers to dig deep with thoughtful daily inspirations meant to promote introspective thought and mindful journal practice. I will be posting my more inspired entries from the daily challenges. You can follow the #30Layers30Days hashtag on Twitter and Instagram, or follow GG Rene at @ggrenewrites.

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